Get Heaps Of Good Karma! Make Me Happy This Christmas! (2007 Edition)
Around this time last year, I made a threatening letter to Santa Claus in my cheeky attempt to score a lot of Christmas presents from my friends. I didn’t think that Santa would heed my warnings seriously, but apparently it worked! I managed to snag half of the items that I specified on my wish list for 2006. So to my generous friends who made it all happen, I give the biggest kudos to all of you. (In retrospection, I’m still wondering why no one bothered to give me a Toshiba Satellite laptop last year despite my “super tempting” offer to become his or her slave for a week!)
Anyway, Hindus soon learned about my blackmail letter to Santa Claus. They told me that while they also shared my sentiments against Santa Claus, it’s still wrong to threaten him just to get gifts. It’s bad karma, they added, and I’m at the risk of being reincarnated into a dust mite because of my dastardly deeds. Well, I’m inclined to believe them, you know. These people have minds and bodies that haven’t been polluted by a Big Mac™ or an Amazing Aloha™. The wisdom they exude is as pure as their vegetarian diet, minus all the curry and spices they dab on their meals, of course.
My new Hindu friends advised me make a public apology to Santa Claus or bad karma will hound me for a few lifetimes to come. I mean it’s rather difficult to make a good impression to the deities if you’re a dust mite, right? How can you convince them to turn you into a mammal next time, say a field mouse, when all you do is induce asthma attacks on some sickly kid?
And so, Santa Claus, I hope you’re reading this, and please hear me out: “For whatever I did, I apologize.” There. An apology rendered in six words. It will not get any more suave that that!
Now that I have publicly rendered my act of contrition, I’m hoping that good karma, in form of Christmas presents, will come my way. Bear in my mind that it’s always better to give than to receive, and that generosity will bring you closer to a coveted slot in Nirvana. Who knows, Kurt Cobain might be there already. Or maybe he’s reincarnated as a dust mite lodged in Courtney Love’s drugged out lungs.
After all that blabber, here comes my Christmas Wish List for 2007…
1. Dilbert Comic Book – any except for books # 6, 8, 11, 17, and 26
2. Black Ball Cap – I lost my favorite cap last month and I need a new one. 3. Hanes™ Tees – in either gray or black, in medium size
4. Arrested Development TV Series – please give me the complete DVD set of the series’ three seasons! J
5. Bread Toaster – it will allow me to enjoy warm sandwiches in my apartment
6. Wall Décor – an art piece (painting or portrait) with shades of black, orange, brown, yellow and red would be perfect
7. Guitar – It would be great to play the only chords I know again (D-A-G-A: “If I ever had a line to heaven, I swear…”)
8. Tent – I miss hiking in the mountains and a tent would be very handy for that.
9. Printer – it doesn’t have to be laser jet… a good quality ink jet would do
10. Sony PSP3* — hahahaha! I wish!
* Again, to anyone who’s kind enough to give me this, I’ll be your slave** for a week.
** Slave duties include running errands like washing your dishes, walking your dog, and folding your bed sheets. Orders that will cause the slave untimely death, dismemberment, pain, and humiliation are strictly not allowed. In the event that sexual favors are requested, everything must be safe and consensual. LOL!
